UNDERSTANDING Worry

Dr. Larry Cohen, Therapist and Life Coach Marlton, NJ (856) 352-5428 Contact Dr Cohen

Breaking the worry cycle is one of the most difficult tasks some of us undertake. We worry about big things, like losing our job, or small things, like getting the dishes loaded into the dishwasher. Sometimes all we can see is the worst case scenario. We feel trapped by anxiety and find it hard to enjoy life at all.

It is normal to worry. Worry and anxiety that is within normal limits is when the intensity and frequency of worry does not make your life unmanageable. But, worry that is unstoppable, recurrent, highly intense, and unproductive, is related to ‘generalized anxiety disorder’.

Generalized anxiety disorder can be distilled down to this: you live with some level of fear and anxiety almost every day. We treat generalized anxiety disorder in therapy, and there are also medications available that may help.

What Leads to Consistent and Intense Worry?

Consider these factors:

Catastrophizing - thinking and focusing only on negative or catastrophic future events.

High anxiety - sometimes leading to physical problems (upset stomach, restlessness, muscle tightness). High anxiety can be described as an extreme nervous sensation.

Inability to tolerate life’s uncertainty - often manifesting in perfectionistic and controlling behaviors, those of us who can’t tolerate uncertainty do all that we can to control our outside environment and try to stop any imagined catastrophic event from happening.

Failure to imagine controlled outcomes - no matter how many times we think about how to avoid negative outcomes in life experiences, we fail to think of adequate solutions to imagined problems.

Dysfunctional beliefs - usually adapted as the result of past negative life experiences, we begin to believe - then become certain - that the worst will always happen.

Acceptance and Completing a Life Inventory

The time we spend worrying is most often a waste of our limited time and daily energy. I always point out that we are given a finite amount of time and energy per day. Of that limited amount - 100% - how much of your time and energy do you want to spend worrying?

Take a moment to reflect. None, of course, is usually the answer. We must see that in reality, our anxiety and worry never seem to predict the outcomes in our daily life.

The key to changing your life and lowering or even eliminating worry is the concepts of acceptance. We must learn to accept ourselves and our lives as they truly are. Acceptance is a way of living. How good are you at accepting yourself and your life? Do you accept reality as it truly is?

For some of us, this is very difficult to do. But, if you accept reality as it is, you free yourself to act in ways that bring greater peace and serenity to your life. Acceptance requires building a new perspective on your life and its outcomes. Accepting yourself and your life as it is can change your life.

To help learn to accept your life as it truly is, it is helpful to take an inventory of past experiences and their outcomes. What really happened over your lifetime? Were all outcomes catastrophic? Most of us can recall some negative (even catastrophic) outcomes, while other outcomes were truly amazing or at least within normal limits.

Taking an accurate look at life’s experiences and outcomes can teach you that life is filled with some great outcomes as well as some bad ones. This makes it clear that since we have no way of knowing which direction life will take us, our worry is just a waste of energy.

Use Affirmations

Using affirmations, which are positive statements that we want to believe but may not yet believe, can be a helpful tool. You may discover that the statements you don’t yet believe often turn out to be true. It just takes reflection and practice for them to help. I recommend saying an affirmation (the same affirmation) to yourself either out loud or in your head ten times each morning and ten times each night

Useful affirmations:

I trust in myself and my decisions.

I accept all that I am.

I have made mistakes but I have learned from them

I am a loving, supportive person. 

I can be negative or positive each day - and I choose the positive.

I am safe and secure. 

With practice, we usually recognize many of our affirmations were true all along. I encourage you to create some of your own affirmations in order to change the negative beliefs you have about yourself, others, and the world.

Challenge your negative inner beliefs and begin healing from the worry and anxiety you struggle with every day. When you are caught up in a worry spiral ask yourself these three questions:

What is the worst thing than can happen?

What is the best thing that can happen?

And,

What is most likely going to happen.

If you ask yourself these three questions when you are in a worry spiral, you will likely discover that most of the time ‘what is most likely going to happen’ is the answer.

Worry is a waste of your daily energy and does not help you find the solutions you seek. Of 100% of your daily energy, how much of it do you want to spend worrying? The answer of course is none. Work toward this goal and live a happier, more contented life.

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