Why We Fear Change And How to Overcome It

New Jersey Therapy and Life Coaching, Voorhees NJ, Marlton NJ, and Cherry Hill NJ

Throughout our lifetime, change is inevitable and happens frequently. However, some of us fear change and go to great lengths to avoid it. We may switch jobs, end a relationship, move, or feel the need to adjust our lifestyle as we age.

Change can lead to anxiety, doubt, and discomfort. While working with clients in therapy, particularly in life coaching, I have witnessed how deeply rooted our fear of change can be. In sessions, we define change, confront it head-on, and learn to live with it and even embrace it. You’re kidding, right? No, I have seen my clients change in various ways, repeatedly, to improve their lives and find greater happiness.

However difficult our current circumstances may be, your brain tends to prefer what is familiar. We tend to seek the safest course, rather than the best course. We are wired like this to enhance our ability to survive. Today, however, we do not need to hide in caves so that sabertooth tigers don’t eat us! Survival instincts can hold us back from personal growth and true happiness. Changing your life requires CHANGE.

Anxiety

Change brings uncertainty, and uncertainty can trigger anxiety. When we face life challenges, our minds often spiral into “what ifs”: What if this choice makes things worse? What if I regret this change? This anticipatory anxiety isn’t a sign that something bad will happen—it’s a sign that your brain is trying to prepare for all outcomes, even the unlikely ones. We can catastrophize and expect the worst. To reduce the power these thoughts hold, you must be mindful and aware of your thoughts and feelings.

Anxiety can lead us to avoid loss instead of acquiring gains. Even when a change can improve our lives, we get stuck worrying about what we might lose if we change. We remain in stale relationships, mediocre jobs, or continue certain maladaptive behaviors because what is familiar is safer and easier than changing.

Is the Comfortable Really Comfortable?

Continuing in what feels like our “comfort zone” may not actually feel comfortable. Weird. We stay the same, even if we aren’t happy or feeling unhappy. Change seems beyond our reach. Finding happiness requires us to intentionally change our behaviors. Even though your thoughts may be holding you back, if you desire happiness, you must change.

We can get stuck in fear of change. When this happens, consider all options. Take a moment to ask yourself if your fear is real. Will what you fear most take place? When we catastrophize, we think and feel certain that the worst will happen. When my clients are catastrophizing, I ask them to consider three questions: What is the best that can happen, what is the worst that can happen, and what is most likely to happen. The odds are in favor of “most likely.”

The Freedom to Change

However, when it comes to changing things that are most significant in our lives, fear can lead us to “freeze up.” Clients report feeling so anxious and fearful that they freeze, unable to make a decision one way or the other. Getting feedback from those you trust can help free you and lead to a decision to change. Keep in mind that there is no deadline for you to change.

Take time to consider all options and choose what makes the most sense. In life coaching, we take things one step at a time, evaluating each step as we move forward. This helps to get used to changes you make without getting overwhelmed.

Sometimes, the changes we plan to make don’t happen as we expect them to. It is essential to remain flexible and mindful as you move forward. Be careful to avoid self-criticism. Change may take time, and there may be setbacks as you move forward. Be visionary. Set goals that lead to greater success and happiness in all aspects of your life.