Work Stress Created by a Difficult Co-worker

New Jersey Therapy and Life Coaching, Voorhees NJ, Marlton NJ, and Cherry Hill NJ

Other People! The problem with working with others is the drama it sometimes creates. Navigating your relationships with coworkers is a common challenge that can make the work environment uncomfortable and lead to stressful days.

Personality Clashes

Personality issues, poor communication, or conflicting values can significantly impact your work environment. It can affect both work productivity and your mental health. These stressful work relationships can affect other areas of your life, leading to emotional instability, sleep problems, and work burnout. There are ways to cope with these problems and protect yourself.

The first step in addressing a difficult relationship is self-reflection. Ask yourself how you’re contributing to the dynamic, intentionally or not. What do you need to clean up on your side of the street? It’s easy to focus on the other person’s behavior, but gaining insight into your reactions and triggers can lead to positive changes.

What Are They Saying?

It’s easy to misinterpret an email, text, or message. You may feel disrespected or judged. What’s the best course of action?  Being mindful and having emotional intelligence can help you respond appropriately rather than reactively.

Recognize when you are triggered, pause, and choose how to respond - don’t just react. Clear and respectful communication is crucial when dealing with coworkers you don’t get along with.. When interacting, remain calm and thoughtful in your conversation.

Use Boundaries

And don’t forget about protective and external boundaries! I describe the protective boundary as if you are wearing a wetsuit head to toe - completely covered by this protective coating. When negative words or deeds come at you, don’t let them in. Imagine the negative words rolling off of your wetsuit and simply hitting the floor.

Sometimes, your best option is not to fix the relationship but to just manage it. Take inventory of the interactions that will be necessary with this person. Be prepared for these interactions and don’t get caught off guard.

You’re not obligated to be friends with everyone at work, but you do have a right to a respectful and professional environment. Protecting yourself may involve limiting unnecessary interactions with negative people and refraining from participating in gossip or rumors.

If It Gets Really Bad

Suppose you are being bullied or harassed by a coworker; document as much as possible. Save inappropriate emails, track missed deadlines that impact your work, or other problematic behaviors. This isn’t about retaliation but about protecting yourself in case HR needs to get involved. Having clear evidence also helps you communicate concerns more objectively if formal discussions become necessary.

Sometimes, even with effort, the problems remain, and your day-to-day becomes intolerable. You may need to speak with your supervisor or an HR employee. Discuss with them how the relationship is impacting your work. A good manager will know how to communicate effectively with team members to address problems.

Work stress often bleeds into your personal life, and your attitudes can lead to marital and other relational problems. Be mindful of how you feel when you go home. I teach that it is helpful to use a cue, such as the noise your car door makes when you shut it. When you hear that sound, know that it’s time to change your attitude and perspective.

In my experience, it seems that wherever you work, you will inevitably encounter some stressful relationships with coworkers. If the job becomes so difficult that it is affecting your physical or mental health, you must evaluate whether you are going to stay or find a different job. Unfortunately, sometimes leaving is the only option.